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It was not me - poetry

 

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can certainly see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak jiffy in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not especially me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not especially me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my admiration for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by a celebrity I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you as God told me to.
I came to you for the reason that you said God was in you.
I came to you since I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you as perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the curing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe as of you.
I felt loved once again for the reason that of you.
I felt I was a good a small amount boy since of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a brilliant expectations ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not litter to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my diminutive boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you. "

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to entertain you.
And by agreeable you I'll be gratifying God;
And by gratifying God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you emotive me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would annihilate me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not actually God,
But the contrary of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that gullible you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A confuse and error with irreparable consequences.
The penalty that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, disorder and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a classified place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, delight do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, desire do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, entertain do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC


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